The delicate balance of beauty and pain

Whether people want it or not, they are awakening and expanding into their higher selves. This can feel really intense, as it inevitably requires, by accident or intention, one to peer into their fear, anger, shame and more. This expansion into our highest versions of ourselves happens in an interesting way. We expand in both directions, up and down, light and shadow, happy and sad, at the same time. You cannot expand into more beauty and love without coming face-to-face with pain and shame. There’s no other way.

You can try to distract yourself from emotional pain, but the more we try, the more the pain persists. Therefore, the desire to grow and evolve is becoming so strong for many people that they are starting to look at their addictions to distraction. 

Deep down, the root of all addictions is a distraction from feeling other things we are avoiding.

It’s become so socially acceptable to distract ourselves from our feelings.

Having a desire to grow and evolve and actually putting the work in are two different things. You are embarking on a journey that has no end, but I promise once you begin, you’ll recognize you don’t want to go back to the way it was.

Some people even go so far as to manifest physical pain as a form of distraction. They would actually rather feel physical pain (a headache or back pain) rather than face emotional pain. In reality, by taking a look at the hard moments of life that you wish had never happened, and doing so with compassion for yourself, can often shift and heal chronic issues within the body. 

Again, expansion happens in both directions. The more capacity you have to feel the hard and grungy things in life, the higher your limit is to feeling the good, the magical, and the beautiful things. 

Where do you start you might ask? Here are some suggestions:

1. Breathe

This takes a lot of practice and forgiveness of self, but the next time you find yourself reaching for a snack, a glass of wine, a smoke — whatever it is you do to distract yourself — take a breath or two and FEEL. What do you feel? Are you anxious? Scared? Sad? Lonely? Can you even name it? Are you breathing fast or slow? Is your heart beating fast? Feel whatever you feel. And let it be, don’t judge it. After you do that, if you still want the cookie, the wine, the joint, go ahead. But try to remember the feeling and keep doing that as much and as many times as you can until you don’t need the thing anymore to distract you from feeling. 

2.  Take a walk

I know you’ve heard this before…but really, the next time you feel anxious, sad, lonely, stressed, depressed, go outside. Look at the clouds. Notice how every moment the clouds are moving, your emotions also move. One minute there may be clouds. Five minutes later, they are different. They have moved, or transformed. Feelings and emotions can do the same thing, especially if you allow yourself a moment to feel them. Then you can appreciate the beauty of the clouds and notice there’s a little more spaciousness in your body, a little more lightness. 

3. Feel gratitude

Think of a few things you are grateful for: your pets or friends; the beauty of flowers; the beauty of a sunset; your kids; the grass under your bare feet. Whatever you are grateful for, name it. Say it out loud! Bring it to your consciousness. Notice that even when you are feeling really low, there’s always something for which to be grateful. This will help you start to see the aforementioned duality. You can feel grateful even in the moments when you feel sad. You can feel two opposites at the same time.